iTs a cIviL wArrrRrr! Newsletter

iTs a cIviL wArrrRrr!

Newsletter - 2025

Times are strange in the ol' U.S. of A. and as a man who likes to be ready for all forms of combat, it seems that some preparation may be in order!

The only strange challenge is identifying the correct opponent amongst our countrymen...

Is it the violent scourge of Antifa? Or is it the ICE agents harassing my well-documented Tongan family?

This is not a decision that I take lightly, so I decided to do some research!

I started by trying to understand the mindset of "Antifa"... the totally-not-made-up radical leftist gang hell-bent on destroying our American values with anti-fascist nonsense.

Fortunately, FOX news's Jesse waters recently did an interview with an ex-Antifa member, and I was able to learn directly from the horse's mouth.

But after ingesting the horror he presented... I dug deeper.

And learned this same member of Antifa is ALSO Ramon "Mundo" Mendoza... a former Mexican Cartel member!

Woah!

And after digging even DEEPER, it sure seems like this Antifa cartel member, is also frequent FOX news contributer and Navy SEAL responsible for killing Osama Bin Laden), Robert J. O'Neil!!!

Holy CRAP!!!

How deep does this conspiracy go!?

Mystified... I was left with only one question:

How on earth could I possibly fight an Antifa / SEAL Team 6 / Mexican Cartel member?!

Hm...

My first thought is that we must dazzle him with SPEED!

Speed... the likes of which can only be learned from the man with the fastest fists in the entire world!

Quicker than a well-labeled bullet, clearly delineating one's political preferences for no apparent reason, our hands must zip through the air!

But I got half-way through my "AntifexicarteliSEALS" knuckle-tattoo, before having another realization:

Speed might not be enough...

After all, Mexican Antifa SEALS must be heavily armed... with scary looking ukeleles and inflatable-frog like body-armor.

After some additional Googling, I was able to locate a Knife-Master skilled enough to teach me the mystical ways of the blade.

Hypnotized by the fluid movements of the man's weapon, I immediately adopted a kitten.

Then I began my training.

...after some light snuggling.

Having brutally slain every cabinet in my home, I now consider myself ready.

It is my hope that after this email, you are as well...

After all, I assume that we're on the same side... If not, I can only assume that you have been deceived by nefarious propaganda...

Perhaps I will craft a satirical email, to help you become aware of such dangers.

-Trav

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